i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
