This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
