His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
