I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
false alarm. still invincible.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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