It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
