went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
