Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
