They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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