There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
