Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
