you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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