Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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