I puked a lego.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
