She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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