Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
