I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
