i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
