Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
how drunk are you?
Several
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
