apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
