i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
