This is not my ceiling
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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