he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
