What did we do last night that was yellow?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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