those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
