If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
did i just pee glitter
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