Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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