Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize