Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
