Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
