I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
