When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
