No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
