i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
