I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
