your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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