Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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