No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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