dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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