Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
