ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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