my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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