i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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