Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
