Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
