I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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