The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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