When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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