I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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