Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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