im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
