What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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