When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
