he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
