I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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