he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
