There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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