I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
