I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
