I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you didnt know i had herpes?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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