Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
