true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
