Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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