overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
