I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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