wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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