Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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