I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize