I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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