just come out here and I will go home with you...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
