If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize