she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
