Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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