my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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