y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
