Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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