Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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