Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
