The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
