Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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