Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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