This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
