First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
