i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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