weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
