I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
