I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do vagina's smell?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
