On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
