she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
