So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize