Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
