My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
