if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
