I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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