dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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